Monday, December 28, 2009

sweet dreams

I can't believe how busy I've been. I've nearly driven myself mad making all my own Christmas gifts this year. I've simultaneously enjoyed it and found it to be totally overwhelming. I finally gave in on a few gifts and supplemented them with books, a worthy alternative. We had a really lovely Christmas at home - several quiet days without work or other schedules, just time spent together. I enjoyed it so much. But I still have Christmas packages to mail out. I hope to send them tomorrow, which means finishing up with wrapping and packaging tonight.

I have missed writing and missed this blog so much. I had so much momentum in early fall and as the holidays approached it became harder and harder to find the time to be here. I'm hoping that, in 2010, I can approach this project with even greater focus and tenacity. Brian got me a digital photography handbook for Christmas, as well as getting me a gift certificate for one hour of instruction with some professional photographers he knows. I really need help understanding the technical aspects of digital photography, so it's a wonderful gift.

My goal for the coming year is to find time every day to nurture and express my creativity, even if it's just 30 minutes of taking notes on possible blogs or a few minutes of knitting before bed. I have several ideas that I want to pursue, and I want to put a lot of energy into promoting and marketing this blog, trying to increase it's readership, trying to focus once again on its purpose and place in this world.

All of this, of course, requires time, which is unfortunately very hard to come by these days. My toddler is more and more reluctant about bedtime. As I write, I can hear her bouncing around on her bed instead of sleeping. I feel completely desperate when she starts acting up at bedtime. I have come to rely on my two hours of quiet evening alone time to be so important, not only for this project but for my own sanity. As with every other part of parenting, there is a part of me that wonders what I am doing wrong. Why is my usually agreeable toddler so difficult at bedtime? It could be much worse, I know - but I can't handle worse. I can barely handle this.

I'm fortunate to have a husband who supports what I'm doing here, who wants it to be a successful and meaningful project for me. He understands when he comes home and I'm not done posting for the night. He doesn't complain when I ask him to hold off on eating while I photograph his plate of food. I'm thankful for that, and hopeful. I'm hopeful that once my holiday gift-making extravaganza subsides I'll feel a little more free in the evenings. I'm hopeful that when the holidays are over, when Dora's schedule is once again consistent and predictable, her bedtime will once again become more consistent and predictable. I'm hopeful that, even though I have never been a big fan of celebrating New Year's Eve, the coming year will bring things worth celebrating - creative, new things of which we are only now dreaming.

Sweet dreams, everyone.


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